This will sound strange to you, it sounds rather peculiar to me too, but I was a victim of bullying.... as an adult, in my workplace. Guess what? It leaves scars.

I really hate identifying as a victim. I REALLY hate it. It goes against my core principles in a very profound way. I was the kid born confident! I have never doubted my ability to do anything my mind was set to do and I have blazed a straight and determined trail to each and every goal, both personal and professional. I've always carried myself with self assuredness and negotiated myself out of many a sticky situation with nary a scratch. So to be discovering through reflection that I carry some pretty significant scars from being bullied hasn't been an easy or comfortable process.

As many of you know from reading this blog posting, I abruptly left my last job. As a result, I took the summer off to regroup and reflect and then started my own business. A significant part of my reflection during that time on my deck drinking coffee and scribing in my pretty pink journal, was to evaluate what I really felt was my inner passion. My first step was to determine what I loved and did not love about my prior work experiences and what lessons could I take forward.

Boy did that open up a big 'ol can of wiggly, squirminess!

The part I didn't love was going into the office. It seemed so dark there. A black hole.

How ironic.

The business image was so polished and pretty but caustic negativity simmered just below the surface. Every time my cell phone rang and it was the office number I felt like I was in trouble and about to be scolded for something. I made a point of only going in when I needed to pick up supplies and worked primarily from my home office or my car. Self preservation, I think. Worse yet, it caused such sadness within me to see my coworkers struggling with esteem and trying to be creative under such pressure. I wasn't the only one bearing the weight of this unbearable burden and they had no escape.

The part of the job that I truly loved was the interaction with my clients and prospects, being able to positively shape their businesses with creative marketing and advertising strategies, by creating events to help promote their products and services and by engaging with them on a deeper level to find out what their truest needs were.... hidden under the surface. What could I do to make them feel successful? Feel success? Interesting thought here, because there is no single measure of success. What one person says is success wouldn't be another's definition. It's too subjective and personal. Success is not a fact, it's a feeling. You'll only know it when you feel it.

But I hadn't felt success in quite a while. What I was feeling was.... FEAR.

Fear?

Workplace bullying is an insidious thing. Subtle. Seemingly innocuous. Creeping in slowly over time. Funny thing, I didn't realize I was being bullied.

Until the other day.

When I got an email from a new client wanting an status update. Seems innocent enough, right? Yes, BUT! In my mind I was suddenly whisked back to my old job and it was the office calling.... I felt afraid that I'd done something wrong. I felt afraid that I must have forgotten to do something but didn't know what. I felt afraid that I would be scolded. I was in that nightmare! Yet. Again.

Then an interesting thing happened. None of my fears actually came true.

But it was jarring to me that I had such a visceral reaction. I had joked to a colleague months before that I suspected I had PTSD from the job. She said that I absolutely did! But I had laughed disbelievingly. Now, as I look back on the continuous attack of criticism and negativity, I see it all so clearly.

Managing a team by fear results in a team being afraid.

Afraid to make decisions.

Afraid to move forward.

Afraid to voice concerns in a healthy positive way.

Workplace bullying can be as destructive as school yard bullying. It needs to end. Today. Managing a team by fear is lazy and ineffective and will result in both a loss of productivity and high turnover. Two things businesses can't afford.

There is a better way.

We, as managers and colleagues, can lead by example. Lead our team by promoting positive discourse and productive discussions where everyone feels empowered and important. Lead our team by setting clear expectations and encouraging reaching for new heights. Lead our team by finding and providing what makes them FEEL SUCCESSFUL.

Have you been bullied in the workplace? How did you fix it? How do you lead your successful teams? What makes for an effective leader?